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#630… 2nd Anal Anti-Costume Hash Trash…Saturday, October 25, 2014
Around 25 hashers celebrated a beautiful, warm, sunny afternoon by meeting at German Church Road and 30th Street Park, in the far eastern hinterlands of Indianapolis. The hash was hared by Flabong Me and Nautical Pussy for the second year in a row. Wanks such as Twat Kwon Do, Hit Me With Your Cum Shot, Diswhoriented, Did We Fuck?, Show Me Your Dong I´m the Piano Man, Snatch Cracker and Twat Floss were in attendance. The area is at the crossroads of the rural and the inner-city; the landscape has a mixture of suburban housing and undeveloped land. As the golden leaves began to fall, we did chalk talk in a handicapped spot with no guilt at all. Due to the absence of Salad Tosser, Pissing Ditzy, Show Me Your Tits or anyone else who could be remotely considered an RA, Cuntput filled in.
Keeping the pack at bay was Money$hot who made sure the pack waited the entire 15 minutes before setting off (there were a few racist wanks who would have loved to go on out a few minutes early). We followed a trail of toilet paper in the grass and were led across 30th St. We went until the dead end at Greenview Way where we were met with a check. The check led us straight through a field where we pranced merrily until we found a hares’ arrow leading us through a creek. Great news, except we couldn´t figure out which way the arrow was pointing. After guessing correctly, we passed through the creek, with water up to the shins, and came out at a vacant lot. A hares’ arrow took us to a boob check, which A Ray of FUCKING Sunshine quickly solved. We came to a grassland straightaway with a small creek running on the side and came across a bridge. There was a beer check in the woods by the bridge. The FRBs pounced on the beer and three hours later the DFLs (which consisted of 66 percent of the pack) walked and socialized their way over. Not only was there beer, there was a pile of golf balls and a club. Circumcise my Frenulum and others started hitting the balls. The golf club’s life was cut short because the head (who said head) fell off of the shaft. I hate it when that happens.
Money$hot kept the pack moving and we went straight ahead, passing the starting location. We made it through the woods overlooking the Hindu temple. Through the bramble we went, getting shiggy on our pants and in our hair. Like baboons in the Serengeti, we picked the ticks off of each other and ate them along with the chips and cookies provided at the second beer stop. After the second beer stop we came up on a school. There was a back check witnessed only by Did We Fuck? and his racist dog, Blitzkrieg. True trail went through the forest and back into the shiggy for a bit. There was a cooler of leftover shots from French Lick. The clear Jello shots were maple bacon and the red ones were cinnamon flavored. The taste of the shots was met with some critical acclaim, including the following commentary from Butt Chug: “I’ve eaten ass that tastes better”.
We came out of the woods and out of the closet and made our way into a residential area. There was a turkey eagle split. Daddy Don’t Care from Border Jumpers (El Paso) was pressured by Cuntput to take the E for easy. On the eagle trail, we went through some fields of tall grass and shiggy. We followed the markings of toilet paper into the woods and around a pond which was overlooked by some apartments. We hunched over as we ran through a canopy that went under some trees and shrubs and flowers. The final beer stop was also in the woods where the hares had the grill set up. We enjoyed some Oscar Meyer treats as we watched La Drone and Twat Kwon Doe unsuccessfully try to scale a tree. After munching on the wieners we came out of the woods and through a neighborhood of homes. We came across some black children playing basketball as we went down the street which curved around in a circle. Miraculously, no one called the police on us. Back into the woods we went yet again, hunching over for a second time to go through a canopy of trees. We came out behind the subdivision houses' yards, running through some grass. Did We Fuck? waited for at least 25 minutes at a boob check drawn in chalk on a manhole cover. Through the field we went and on in to the cars.
Cuntput put a shot of bacon whisky and Rohypnol into the each of the hare’s circle drinks, but Nautical Pussy tripped and accidently knocked over both drinks. After the hares drank, the hash crimes began flying. A Ray of FUCKING Sunshine drank for bleeding on trail and several hashers were found guilty of changing shoes and socks before the circle was over. Drunkie Chan was called in for being a backslider and Daddy Don’t Care told a Helen Keller joke which was both sexist and hilarious. The on after was at Pepper’s in Lawrence.
The next hash is apparently going to be Wednesday, November 5th and apparently there will be hares and beer there which means I’ll be there too.
¡Hasta la próxima!
PS...The following joke was told by Daddy Don't Care and was immediately answered correctly by Butt Chug.
Why can't Hellen Keller Drive?
Answer...because she's a woman