Well, the much-a-do about the Tunnelingus Hash is over, all but finding those
responsible, cleaning the sewage from Brokeback's hair, and of course ridding
lots of local mouths of a bad taste!
Thirty some hashers showed up at the former Handsome and Horny building. No, not
Lawrence of the Labia's house, but the former and defunct interior decorator
company, a building that has long been shuddered.
Once Hares Cuntpunt and Money$hot were lubed enough, P-Ditz blessed them with a
fine beer and they were on trail while the busy swarm of hashers remained back
to prelube and compare cold sores. As we waited to do trail, Sucks the Dick
waited for AAA to come and unlock his car and get the keys that Cuntpunt smartly
and safely secured under the seat. Thank you Cuntpunt for hashblocking your
beloved brother, for it meant more beer on trail for the rest of us!
The trail lead north along Castleton Road then towards Bash Road and we passed a
Candlewood Suites where naked mommas were standing at their windows curiously
watching us lurch on by. From here, the trail got a little confusing as we ran
in circles and bumped into each other in the parking lot of the Thai Orchard
Restaurant until the FRB's directed us to 82nd street and we crossed beneath
I-69. A hares' arrow directed us past Blister's favourite watering hole, the
Free Spirit, located on the grounds of the Motel 8, pay-by-the-hour.
From there, it was through the parking lot of Lowe's where cart's-O-plenty
tempted the kennel. Only Jewbacca and Cumshot rode while Salad Tosser played
like a circus carnie spinning those wanks into dizziness till they
simultaneously puked and pissed themselves.
The Turkey/Eagle split lead most the kennel towards the Turkey with the rare
exception of Gutterballs, who, fresh out of speed training with his Kenyan
ancestors, sprinted to the unknown abyss known only to locals as The Atrium
The first beer check was easily found just beyond North Wood (who said wood?)
University at Johnson Road where it dead end's at I-69. Here we discovered a
bounty of ice-cold beer and chocolate cake left over from Money$hot's retirement
party a week earlier. As we imbibed on beers and admired our rare view of
traffic rushing by, no one seemed to notice the generous allotment of toilet
paper hanging deep into the shiggy above the open sewer, well except for Camotow
whose been unfairly accused of leaving steamy logs on trail festooned in toilet
Beers down and we're off deep into the shiggy into water a mere ankle deep until
we worked our way down stream. The trail name of Tunnelingus wasn't misleading
at all: we all knew what was before us, penetrating deep and hard into tunnel
after tunnel, after tunnel and it included lots of moisture with both familiar
and foreign smells.
Hats and pants off to our hares for the live trail, for it was they who
chivalrously knocked out a massive collection cobwebs that curtained each
tunnel. While the FRB's made little time to invade the tunnels, the walkers
tottered back and loudly sang "The Hasher Family" allowing it to echo throughout
the tunnels and the cloverleaf of I-69/I-465 distracting drivers and
These tunnels were not overwhelmed with water, but they weren't dry either! The
final tunnel was mostly corroded and exiting into the stream was a challenge as
it was balls-deep for some of the hashers and chin-ball deep for others.
From here the trail moved northeast along the State Fair Railroad tracks past
the scene of the horrific semi hauling/ semi burning propane accident from a few
years ago and then we made it to our final beer check.
With everyone joyously quaffing our beers and as night fell upon us, the hares
made their last attempt at giving us the shitty trail that we most deserved.
The trail moved north through dense shiggy to multiple checks and mud puddles
that nearly claimed Jacoochie's last cold beer.
Over a hill and through the shiggy and we were back to our cars where circle was
held. The hares were punished severely and hash crimes were tendered
unmercifully. The hash-hit was offered for nominations and Brokeback Belcher
was magnanimously awarded it for washing, without repeating, in the backwash
sewer water of I-69.
New hasher, relocating from Seattle, Mr. Cock-U-Later was initiated into the
Indyscent kennel by a flood of donated Flabongo beer, hold the breast milk,
after he serenaded the circle was his version of "The Nipple Song".
On after was held at Alibis where good food, good beer, and good naming of the
Justs took place. Salad Tosser filled in as RA for the naming and after a
spirited debate; Just Joshua was named in honor of his volunteer experiences
assisting the homeless along with his equestrian infinity to this day forward is
now named "Save a horse, ride a Hobo".
Just John, the RHIT, chemical/metallurgic engineer guy with the cute pointy ears
was named for his unusual appetite of dog-bisquets yet with an inability to
consume pubes. Just John is now Pubes & Bits.
And hash wallflower Just Dustin, who first appeared at Stuborbowl was honored
with the highly distinctive name in honor for his love of hops beer, and as a
runner-up in the 2010 Olympic hopscotch championship, plus a little bit of
sophomoric hash humor to be named Sir Hops Allot in the Butt.
Next trail will be the kid friendly hash, but the next hash will be Half Assed
Hoosier Hash, be there or be talked about!